Last week, during a coaching session, one of my most capable executives-clients said something that stopped me cold: "I don't know how to tell someone that - helping me IS you job!  It is astonishing to me how I am treated by a colleague"

He was describing a pattern I see constantly in organizations: senior leaders who use their position to shut down collaboration through dismissive comments and a fundamental lack of customer service mindset toward their internal colleague/clients.

"He told me 'enough of this, you can't do this anymore,'" my client explained about interactions with a department head. "The CFO said, 'I'm tired of negotiating this.' It's like they think their job is to make my life difficult instead of helping me succeed."

This conversation happened the same week Mark Carney gave his speech at the World Economic Forum in Davos about dealing with bullies on the world stage. As I read Carney’s remarks, it struck me he was describing the exact same dynamics playing out in boardrooms and leadership teams across many organizations I work with.

The Playground Rules Never Left the C-Suite

One analyst of Carney's speech said something that resonated deeply. "Bullies depend on others looking away. On victims being told to ignore it. On adults hoping it will stop. On everyone doing just enough to get through the day."

This perfectly describes executive bullying. Senior leaders who hide behind policy or precedence or simply refuse to engage constructively with colleagues. The behavior is often subtle enough that it doesn't qualify as harassment, but consistent enough that it destroys collaboration and innovation.

During my coaching session, my client described his difficult colleagues as "9 to 5’ers" in their approach. "There's no 'how can we help?' mindset. It's more like 'you're making my job harder when I clock in and clock out.'"

This usually isn’t individual personality conflicts, it is often systemic behavior that senior leadership is permitting. "The CEO, COO, and other executives are genuinely trying to help, open, communicative, collaborative," he said. "Yet they've fostered a culture where they've permitted this other behavior."

The Hidden Cost of Executive Bullying

Just like childhood bullying doesn't stay at school, executive bullying doesn't stay in individual departments. It spreads throughout organizations, creating a "cultural toxicity contagion."  People learn by what they observe and by what gets tolerated. 

Another clinet described watching his team's energy drain in real time. "People stopped bringing bold ideas," she said. "Not because they lacked creativity, but because they'd learned that bold thinking got shut down by other departments they needed to work with."

This mirrors exactly what child psychologist observes in children: "A teenage boy is told he's worthless so often that he starts to believe it. His grades slip. Anxiety settles in, then depression."

In organizations, the symptoms are remarkably similar. High performers start avoiding cross-functional projects. Innovation proposals become incremental improvements. Talented people begin looking for other opportunities because they're tired of having to navigate around bullying behavior just to do their jobs effectively.

The most insidious part? Like childhood bullying, executive bullying thrives in environments where people are told to "just ignore it" or "work around difficult personalities."

The Carney Model for Leadership Courage

What impressed me about Mark Carney's Davos speech wasn't his policy positions, but his approach to addressing bullying behavior directly. He didn't deny or minimize the current reality. He called it for what it was. 

This is exactly what's missing in most organizations dealing with executive bullying. Leaders know it's happening, but they hope it will resolve itself. They try to work around difficult personalities instead of addressing the behavior directly.

During our coaching session, I asked my client a question that changed her entire perspective: "What are some questions you could ask that would engage your colleague in a conversation and help her understand that what she's doing doesn't make sense?"

Instead of accepting the dismissive behavior as unchangeable, we developed a strategy for addressing it constructively. Not by fighting or escalating, but by using strategic questions to help the other person recognize the impact of their approach.

The Rapport Strategy for Dealing with Executive Bullies

Here's what I've learned after many years of coaching through these situations: you can't influence someone unless you're in rapport with them. And the fastest way to get into rapport with a difficult colleague is through genuine questions, not defensive explanations.

My client had been trying to justify why she needed support instead of understanding why his colleagues were resistant to providing it. "I was treating them like obstacles instead of partners," he realized. "Once I started asking questions about their challenges, everything changed."

The framework we developed follows could be called a "Strategic Curiosity Model":

First, acknowledge their perspective: "I understand these requests feel different from your standard process. What's your biggest concern about handling them this way?"

Then, explore the underlying issues: "What problems do you see this creating for the organization. (short term and long term)?"

Finally, collaborate on solutions: "How can we make this work within your constraints while still meeting the business needs?"

This approach doesn't eliminate difficult personalities, but it transforms the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative.

When Organizations Enable Executive Bullying

The most painful conversations I have with clients involve recognizing when their organizations are systematically enabling bullying behavior at senior levels. Like the parents who try to figure out how protect their kids when they can't be everywhere, many executives feel powerless to address toxic colleagues who have institutional protection.

My client described this perfectly: "I have very little influence or impact. It can only be a negative for me to try to address this explicitly."

But there are ways to address executive bullying without career suicide. The key is what Carney modeled: steady, clear communication that doesn't minimize the problem but also doesn't escalate unnecessarily.

The Coalition Strategy

One of the most effective approaches for addressing executive bullying is trough "coalition building." Just as childhood bullying loses power when other people come into the picture, executive bullying becomes harder to sustain when multiple people start naming the pattern.

My client realized he wasn't the only one experiencing these dynamics. I asked him, "do you think there are other like-minded individuals in the organization whose voices aren't coming up," He said “for sure.”  Then this is an issue that leadership at the highest level is not addressing.  It's the CEO syndrome. Nobody wants to tell the CEO bad news unless the CEO actively seeks it.

The solution isn't to organize against difficult colleagues, but to create safe spaces where patterns can be identified and addressed constructively.  What questions could be asked of Executive leadership to draw their awareness to these potential problems or help them to realize that they problem is wider spread than they might have imagined.  The broader the coalition that is discussing the issue, the better the chance that leaders will act. 

Carney was trying to galvanize what he called the “Middle Powers” (other countries like Canada) to be this type of coalition.  He aimed to rally these nations to build new, independent alliances, diversify economic relationships, and reduce reliance on a volatile U.S.-led system, arguing that compliance no longer ensures protection. 

The Leadership Choice

Mark Carney's speech was powerful because he demonstrated something that's often missing in executive leadership: the willingness to name difficult realities without looking away.

The same is true for organizations dealing with executive bullying. People don't need their leaders to fix every difficult personality, but they do need leaders who will acknowledge when behavior is unacceptable and take steps to address it.

Your team is watching how you handle bullying behavior at senior levels. They're learning whether it's safe to speak up about problems or whether they need to just "work around" toxic colleagues. They're discovering whether your organization really values collaboration or just talks about it in mission statements.

The question isn't whether you have difficult personalities in your leadership team. Every organization does. The question is whether you'll model the kind of steady, clear leadership that names problems and works constructively to solve them.

If you're ready to address the executive bullying dynamics that are silently undermining your organization's potential, let's talk. Contact me at bradhenderson@me.com.

Your team's psychological safety, your organization's ability to innovate, and your own leadership legacy depend on it.